Before my hubby died I listened to music all the time – in the car, at home, after a crappy day at the hospital or with the kids, when I was feeling energized or when I felt like being silly.
Music was a big part of my life.
In the very early time after he died I was not able to listen to music at all. Suddenly music was filled with all these memories and emotions. My playlists were filled with epic songs that accompanied magical and major moments of our lives. Even the songs that did not have special meaning before suddenly did as they were songs we had listened to together.
I was trying to survive and I could not allow any emotions from music to enter my carefully contained barely held together world.
I drove the car in total silence, no music to pass the time, no emotions to enter my world. I would have to leave a shop in tears when a song was playing that had too much meaning for me. I didn’t listen to any music for a couple of years after he died.
I started listening to completely new music that I had never heard before. I made a very careful playlist of probably about 10 songs that I would listen to. I called these my sad songs. These were songs that would let me feel some of the gigantic sadness of missing my person but were not actually connected to me and him. Some of these included songs like "Memories" by Maroon 5 and "See You Again" Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth.
Honestly it was tiny steps, I would listen to music for however long it took me to wash up each day and that was all. Over time I let music back into more of my life but I still listen most of the time to new music. I have listened very few times to the music we used to enjoy but it is getting easier.
My Grief Tribe now has an account on Spotify and there is a playlist called "Feeling The Feels" – this contains music that members of My Grief Tribe listen to when they want to let the sadness out. It is an eclectic mix of music – have a listen
How has your relationship with music changed in grief or did it stay the same? Do you have any favourite songs you listen to when you want to feel the feels and let those emotions out?
Let me know and I will add them to the My Grief Tribe playlist on Spotify.
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